


One More Day

by KaceyLondon



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-16
Updated: 2012-04-16
Packaged: 2017-11-03 18:08:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/384327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaceyLondon/pseuds/KaceyLondon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"In life, in death... in love."</p>
            </blockquote>





	One More Day

**Author's Note:**

> I struggled very hard over whether or not I would post this up to read. I desperately did not want to upset anyone, or trigger any negative emotions for anyone. I will say right now that this story deals with very mature situations, and it is not for the faint-hearted, so if you struggle with reading things related to suicide, please find something else to read. <3 KC

Gerard wrapped his arms around his waist as he gently shut the door to his car and inhaled deeply. The smell of fall was heavy in his nose, rotting leaves and wet ground taking over his senses. He shivered a little in the cold pf the fall morning and stole a glance around. There was absolutely nobody around the cemetery at all. Not that he expected there to be. It was six in the morning and pretty cold, and even on its best days, Gerard had only ever seen two other people in the cemetery, and one of them had been a groundskeeper. His feet fell into a rhythmic step, walking the path he had walked so many times before. He never had to think about where he was going anymore, his feet just took him there, but then, he had been coming every single day for two years, through the blazing heat of the summer, the whipping wind of springtime, and through blizzards and ice storms, he had walked that exact route through those exact graves every single day. He passed headstones, some bright and polished and new, some old and cracked, covered with moss. Some with beautiful flowers and immaculately cut lots. Some overgrown and forgotten. He stopped and stared at the ground as he found himself in the spot he so often visited.

Gerard slowly closed his eyes, unwilling to look up at the grave marker itself. He knew he was in the right place. It was set far, far in the back among the overgrown and forgotten graves, though it was new-ish. Gerard chuckled sadly and heaved a gentle sigh. It was exactly the type of place he would have wanted as his final resting place. Slowly he crouched down, running his fingers over the grass covering the burial site. Small droplets of dew stuck to his fingers and he shivered as a cold chill ran up his spine again. He knelt in front of the grave and closed his eyes.

"...fuck..."

His voice sounded so loud in the dead stillness of the cemetery. He didn't care if he spoke out loud... the residents could hear him better that way, anyhow. And it was not like he was disturbing anyone else’s time with their loved ones.

"...fuck, I'm so sorry." Tears sprang into Gerard's eyes. He hated himself for how things played out in the final hours of certain lives. "I should have said it. I should have fucking said it. You were brave enough to, I should have been brave like you were.” Gerard closed his eyes against the tears that shot down his cheeks and he swallowed hard, as memories that were burned onto the inside of his eyelids played themselves out in the darkness.

_"I love you." Soft kisses were laid on Gerard's cheek, and the warm, gentle voice somehow made him feel sick to his stomach. Was he in love? Could he actually have found himself in love? The butterflies setting his insides on fire told him yes, his pounding heart told him yes, but his brain said no. His initial instinct to run away said no._

_Gerard swallowed hard and shook his head. "I... I--"_

_“It’s all right, Gerard… you don’t have to be afraid of it. I love you.”_

_Gerard squeezed his eyes shut tightly and used every bit of his willpower within to force the words out of his mouth. “I… I don’t. I’m sorry.” It was a lie, of course he loved him, but his mind knew that saying it loud was like admitting defeat. Defeat of all of the feelings he had for years stuffed deep down inside himself, defeat of the character he had made himself out to be, the badass who didn’t give a fuck about anyone but himself._

_"...oh..." Pain. God there was so much fucking pain in that voice. Gerard wanted to stab himself repeatedly just so he could release the guilt he was feeling. He heard his companion let out a strained little laugh, clearly trying to play it off like it was nothing, but even his laugh sounded so sad, so broken. "I mean, hey... it was just, a fuck, right?" God, how could those words sound so painful?_

_"...just a fuck." Gerard nodded._

_"...so... see ya later, I guess." A sad chuckle. Gerard found himself wanting to scream his love, dying to confess his passion... He wanted a second chance. He wanted to reach out and grab him, to pull him back and smother his mouth with kisses and passion, but he just watched. The door slammed. The car revved. Nine or ten hard drinks. The phone rang. There were no more chances._

"I'm so sorry." Gerard's body shook with sobs and he leaned forward, allowing his body to rest against the headstone. It made him feel closer to him. He wrapped his arms around the stone, sobbing loudly and painfully. "I love you! I fucking love you, I swear I do. I'll never fucking love anyone else ever again. I love you." He chanted his mantra over and over, rocking back and forth slightly through sobs and sniffles, until had wept himself into exhaustion and finally he fell asleep.

Gerard was woken up by a large hand shaking his shoulder lightly. He jumped and his eyes snapped open. He sniffled and looked up, rubbing his bloodshot and sore eyes. A dark figure loomed over him, silhouetted by the bright mid-day sun. Gerard shaded his eyes and blinked back the light, his heart thumping wildly in his chest.

A voice spoke above him, a gruff masculine voice. Gerard instantly recognized it as that of the caretaker, and his nerves were settled a bit. He had spoken a few times in passing to the man, in the multitude of times he had been in the cemetery, and though the man was a burly blue-collar worker in his late fifties or so, he seemed over all accepting of the way that Gerard visited the headstone daily, and he would leave him to his business day in and day out. "Are you all right, son?"

"Oh... yeah. Yeah. I just fell asleep I guess."

The man gestured to the stone and frowned slightly. "Friend of yours?"

Gerard closed his eyes. "Something like that." He bit the inside of his cheek sharply, unsure if it was a way to keep him from crying again, or a way to punish himself for simply referring to the occupant of the lot as simply a “friend.” No, he was so, so much more than that.

"...I'm sorry." The man nodded and turned to leave. "Be careful falling asleep out here." And with that, he was gone.

Gerard sat up, wincing as his spine cracked slightly. He sighed and stole another glance at the headstone and his body wracked with sobs again. He clapped a hand over his mouth and stared, bleary eyed at the marker.

"Soon... we'll be together soon, and I'll tell you a thousand times over I love you." Gerard whispered painfully and stood up slowly. He kissed the stone softly and trailed his fingers over the top before nodding and walking away. "Soon."

It was a day later that Gerard found himself in the familiar place. Nightfall surrounded him as he stumbled blindly through the cemetery. His eyes adjusted slowly to the dark and he made out shadowy figures of headstones in the tended lots, the unkempt grass of the forgotten ones. The new headstones glinted subtly in the moonlight, but the old stones were just black outlines covered in moss, some cracked and broken, half of them standing, half, fallen. His feet took him safely to the grave of his loved one. He knelt down in front of the stone and took a deep breath.

Slowly he ran his hands over the face of the stone. His eyes welled with tears and he slowly drew out a blade from his pocket. He swallowed hard and bit his lip as the steel glinted in the moonlight. He sighed, not caring how Hollywood tragic it was, or how "Romeo and Juliet" it would be in the papers. Nothing fucking mattered except getting that one more day to confess his love.

He gritted his teeth, his fingers tightening on the handle of the knife as he drew in a deep breath, placing the sharpened blade on his wrist and dragging up slowly. He hissed through his teeth as he felt his flesh being severed. Tears spilled over his face and he muttered softly. "I love you. I love you. I love you." He made three or four passes over his arm, losing count as he head started to spin.

He dropped the knife and slowly brought his hand up to the gravestone. He didn't notice as his blood streaked the front of the stone. Slowly he traced his finger in the engraved letters on the surface, mumbling the words as he spelled them out. "In life... in death... in love."

He closed his eyes and leaned his forehead on the gravestone as he felt the heaviness of the world pressing in on him. He forced himself to trace the last letters before blackness took over.

IERO.

Gerard slumped forward, his shoulder resting on the grave, his eyes unable to open now. He felt the world spinning beneath him, and still he mumbled softly. "I love you too. Frankie, I love you too..."


End file.
